You guys, this comic is amazing. I am in awe of this comic. I am just going to straight tell you everything what happens in this comic to try to adequately express to you how amazing it is.
Our story begins with Squirrel Girl and her college roommate, Nancy Whitehead, as Squirrel Girl guards the Empire State University campus bank to pay them back for smashing through a wall in order to foil a robbery in progress. Nancy points out the flaws in forming a battle-suit out of squirrels, since they tend to move out of the way of one’s fist, so you’re basically punching a hypothetical villain on your own power without any smaller punches from the squirrels — which Squirrel Girl is aghast to learn! Suddenly, their quiet evening is interrupted by an attack from the Hippo, a supervillain who first appeared in the Dark Reign: Sinister Spider-Man miniseries, if I recall correctly (and I probably do), who is a hippo evolved into humanoid form by the High Evolutionary. Squirrel Girl is about to leap into action when Hippo is intercepted by new superhero Chipmunk Hunk!
Chipmunk Hunk: “You’re all washed up, Hippo! I say ‘washed up’ because hippos spend a lot of time in rivers, making it a reasonably good pun! Sorry for insulting you so much when I’m not perfect either. I guess I’m being a little… hippo-critical?”
Hippo: “You really think I haven’t heard that before? YOU REALLY THINK I HAVEN’T HEARD ALL OF THEM BEFORE?? YOU DON’T EVEN WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHENEVER I MENTION BEING HUNGRY!!”
But then writer Ryan North does the remarkable: he makes the Hippo a sympathetic villain.
Hippo: “Imagine being a hippo chillin’ in a zoo and then without asking for it some weirdo force evolves you into an adult quasi-human. Nobody feeds me for free anymore, yo! I eat 90 pounds of food every day! I got bills!!”
Koi Boi: “That doesn’t give you the right to rob banks.”
Hippo: “Oh sure. Get a job, right? Because companies are dying to hire an adult half-hippo man with literally zero education. You know how much rent is in this city? Especially for a place with high ceilings, wide hallways, and preferably a tub? Because I’ll tell you one thing: I found out how much they cost, and guess what?? Now I’m robbing banks!”
(This also prompts the alt-text — because Ryan North is amazing and all his comics have alt-text — “I like the idea of eating so much that the most important thing about your food isn’t what you eat, but rather just the number of pounds it weighs. I — I really like eating, you guys.”)
But then Squirrel Girl agrees that’s fair– “If I got woke up in a new body with a bunch of stupid adult responsibilities I never asked for, no friends, no support — I honestly can’t say I wouldn’t be trying something like what you’re doing right now.” Then, because Squirrel Girl doesn’t need to defeat her enemies with physical violence, she points out that with his strength and super-durable hide, he can solve his problems by working at a demolition company and knock down buildings for a job! (“You can get paid for that??” “As long as you only knock down the buildings you’re supposed to, sure!”) Her mom’s friend works for one, so she writes him a note and says he can drop her a line! Hippo says he’ll give it a try, but “if this doesn’t work out, I’m coming back to steal this bank. Not steal from the bank. I will literally lift this bank up and carry it away.”
So, yay! Victory! Nancy then points out that Chipmunk Hunk and Koi Boi are fellow ESU students, so they go back to campus and have some nice hang-out times in the form of a friendship montage! Afterwards, Nancy laments, “Everyone has powers and talks to a different animal but me. Terrific. I’m the Xander.” But because Squirrel Girl is her friend, she realizes that Nancy might very well have the power to talk to animals, but it might not be an animal that one comes across every day, so they’ll go to the zoo first thing tomorrow and “chat up every animal there.” So they start at the monkey exhibit (this is the best comic in the world you guys) and Squirrel Girl asks Nancy to just please introduce herself to these monkeys. So she does! (And don’t forget to enjoy the alt-text!) Squirrel Girls says she needs to speak up because they could barely hear her, so Nancy does, and then this happens! In the fullness of time, they do not discover an animal with whom Nancy Whitehead can communicate, but suddenly the zoo is overrun by lions who have escaped their pen after the zookeeper has a cardiac event! Before Squirrel Girl can even get into costume, the day is singlehandedly saved by the superhero debut of… Girl Squirrel?? The next evening, Squirrel Girl confides in Nancy that as far as she knows, squirrels don’t have super-powers, none of the squirrels recognize Girl Squirrel, and she ignored Squirrel Girl in the zoo when she tired to talk to her: “I’ve never said this about a squirrel before, but… I don’t trust her.” We then follow Girl Squirrel on a nocturnal campaign of terror as she flies from home to home in NYC, whispering things in the ears of the sleeping citizenry that are so sinister, it drives the narrator to quit!
But this is the part I really wanted to point out. You guys… these are details that are by no means required to be included in a comic about a plucky young superhero who can communicate with squirrels. But the nut planet references how Squirrel Girl convinced Galactus not to devour the Earth in issue 4, as well as convincing Kraven the Hunter that there’s more challenging prey to hunt in the Marvel Universe than just Spider-Man, as seen in issue 1. (Because, you guys, let’s not forget that all things considered, Squirrel Girl is a confident young female superhero who solves her problems through communication and without resorting to violence. What better role model could one ask for?) Details like this show such dedication and attention to detail on behalf of the creators, and that is just a wonderful thing to see. I feel like I get so much bang for my buck on every page, in every panel of this series, and I hope that it continues for a million issues, and that you all read it right along with me.